NOTE TO SELF/LESSONS I’VE LEARNT BY 29

A BILLET TO MY YOUNGER SELF

Dear you gorgeous caramel-skinned woman,
Wear your kinky curls like the admirable golden crown it is with utmost pride and a smile that brightens the horizons even at twilights
You’ve come a long way as a naturalista by embracing your long black hair that shrinks into tightly coiled curls when natural and got many craning their necks in wonderment yet irritating questions of ‘why-do-you-not-plait-ever?’ surfaces
When midnight strikes, you’ll be turning 29 and you’ll feel like you’ve not done much for yourself;more so you’ll be anxious of what the future holds
By now, you’ve dated a man contrary to his name ‘innocent’ and he turnt your world upside down by emotionally abusing you and making you feel totally worthless and though you got out of it wrecked,your hidden creativeness sprung up as if you have a treasurable stream of artistry in a store room
You’ll remember how he’d emphasize age issue by constantly telling you he’s younger and successful 30 under 30 as the society reminded you of your ticking biological clock
You’ll blame the fact that if you hadn’t opened your big heart, you’d have never gotten hurt to the bones and felt like it’s the end of the world
Just look at you now thriving from the heartbreak and realizing your full potential and loving the woman and artist you’ve become
But all these was possible because you obsessed over him and wished for a second chance with him but stopped the fantasy when you noticed things don’t always work out as planned and as wished upon a shooting star
Well,others will make you feel like a wuss but you’ll come to find that they only felt intimidated by your bold choices, mistakable convictions,effortless glow and will to move on amidst uncertainty
You’ll smoke kush out of curiosity and for the thrill of it but you’ll never develop a taste for alcohol
You’ll be scorned and made to feel as if you are a boring person by the closest people to your heart because you don’t drink to get drunk, you don’t have sexual encounters with every dude but you’ll find out that self acceptance and self-realization is a strength that trudges you on
You’ll have friends that won’t wish you well and because of your intuitive nature you’ll involuntarily read their tone in between their “I’m-happy-for-you”messages even when you are miles away from them and trust me;it will hurt but you’ll move on
Some friendships have gone through the furnace and survived time and distance
Some friendships have fallen out because of jealousy, greed,misunderstandings and no-replys simply because they reflect the crabs mentality of you-can’t-make-it-out-of-the-bucket/remain-down-here-with-us
Butfor every lost friendship,you’ve gained acquaintances with incredible people in the arts’ and sports’ industries
Above all, you’ll find peace, happiness and catharsis when you listen to your intuition, dance like a maniac within the walls of your house and laugh hard at your blunders
You’ll be called picky and a late bloomer but you still won’t settle for less than you deserve and at your slow pace,you’ll find your wholesome self at the place of your purpose
Accomplishing your purpose will feel like an endless bendy journey and there will be times when you’ll doubt your potential
The future will be cloudy and you’ll be anxious about the script God is writing about you but just live momentarily
Worry but don’t let it give you headaches and ulcers and don’t longingly look at others’ achievements and belittle every small blessings you are bestowed with
You’ll surprise yourself by wearing lipstick; something you were so against while in campus but never depend on make ups to be a beauty because you already are and never forget that habit of yours of lifting others up regardless
Do you remember how much you hated avocados to the point of throwing away the portion of food smeared by it? You are full of surprises indeed because now you love them to the core
You will find people that will fight you and eagerly wait for your downfall and even remind you of your flaws but lucky you you’ll have embraced your perfect imperfections and their ‘thoughts’ will feel like a mere kiss or rather a massage
You’ll find among your friends_much younger than you;some that are poor listeners and very judgmental in their stories about others that remind you of your age and your not otherwise decision to stay with your parents
You survived a major surgery though at the moment you felt like walking out of the operation room when your intestinal contents were exposed and it all felt so uncomfortable and near-death situation
Remember to adore that scar because it’s a reminder that your parents’ love go beyond reason and that no battle can put you down with God by your side
Don’t worry so much about the one because in due time and unexpectably he’ll come your way
You’ll meet men with fast cars and sweet words offering the best of all worlds but don’t be fooled by the flashy life and end up sacrificing the ounce of love you have in your heart
You’ll be complimented often times; take it because they are not wrong and a lot of people yearn for that in vain but don’t let the compliments make your head swell
You’ll be swayed with people’s opinions of what you should do with your life but don’t let their opinions become your reality
You’ll find the world is a cruel place and people don’t hesitate to show their bitterness plastered on social media but don’t let anyone steal away your kind,optimistic soul as there are times when you’ll see blurriness and such will be your strength
Don’t hold on to things and people who aren’t on the same page as you as that will only drain you
Don’t be sad when life doesn’t turn out the way you planned for it is often the random events that will make your life colourful
When you start doubting;know that you’ve survived the turbulence,nothing good comes easy,life is an infinite series of hullabaloo and rollercoaster and more remarkable moments are yet to happen
Moments that will feel like sweet dreams you won’t want to wake up from
Moments that will be self awakening and eye opener to distinguish what serves you and what doesn’t so don’t be afraid to let go
You’ll find a revived strength in you and yearning to serve a Higher calling even if you don’t go to church often but you’ll have to set boundaries and break friendships based on belief
You’ll find that the best things are the minute and everyone is important differently
You’ll walk out of places that don’t serve you anymore even when there’s no plan B but more than one way will open up for you
You’ll find out your dreams are premonitions and deja vu moments will hit you and you’ll second guess your spiritual beliefs clouded by reincarnation and searching for signs but that’s what makes life adventurous,don’t they?
Many will make you look longingly at their chocolate glow and pick on you for being too fair-toned for their liking but you’ll realize they were insecure with their complexions and spend thousands on Caro light to have your complexion You’ll come to stop crying and wasting prayers on wanting to look your age because you’ll realize you’re above basic and aging gracefully will make you mistakably put on a list of women five years younger than you
The chicken legs you’ve hated and hidden for much too long will scream to breathe beneath knee-length skirts and dresses and in that way you’ll finally be free to be you and embrace all your flaws
As I sign off,remember that words are never enough not because you are a writer and you find tranquility in written expressions but simply because words are just never enough…
All my love, Me.
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NAFSI YANGU VUMBIKA MBICHI HULE MBIVU

KUMBUKA MUNGU SI MFAKI

 

Nafsi yangu vumilia ingawa bivu bado halijaiva

Isije ukatamani malengo yaliokupiga chenga na kukusonosha

Isije ukafikiri kuingia kikundi cha Illuminati ukatajirika

Ukawa na pesa mithili ya michanga kwenye pwaa

Isije wewe huyo nyago ndefu ndefu hadi Takaungu kwa waganga mashuhuri kujikinga

Isije ukamshuku Mola kuwa ni jiumbe kwenye mbingu tu asiye na wakati wa kujibu dua

Isije ukatamani vya kupanda ndege kwenda Marekani kutimiza ndoto zako ilhali Mola ana mazuri papa hapa

Isije ukaanguka mikononi mwa tapeli ukabakia kuvipanguza vinyesi Marekani na kulilia serikali ikunasuwe

Isije ukatamani watu mashuhuri na nafasi zao kupendezwa na kazi yako ukabaki mnyonge na ndoto ambazo hazitimii ilhali waweza kuwa muungwana

Isije ukafundira moyo na kinyongo kwa sababu ya hongera za marafiki zenye kukumbatiwa na wivu punde nyota yako likinyeka huku umejawa na nyemi

MY DESI MAN GOT ME ALL BOO’D UP

MY TWINKLE THAT COMETH AT THE PERFECT TIME

 

I swear I feel the weight of Ella Mai’s Boo’d up song for this Desi man has got me falling head over heels

I tease him that his language sounds like a baby’s uncomprehensible utterances and push him to entertain me with belly-dancing and bobbling of the head but

He laughs it off and tickles me till I’m breathless and helpless like a baby on a mother’s palm

We would have gone on road trips and immerse in the art of photography but holiday fares are ridiculously expensive for our taste

Christmas comes jingling and we are basking in the tranquallity of Nairobi because brabble as it’s the norm of the city ain’t our cup of tea

I can never dream of bringing him home because his Hinduism and Buddhism would be more noticeable than his personality

Neither can he think of introducing me to his family because they would either conclude he’s going through a phase or I’m spoiling their precious son

See; his culture and mine are like oil and water but we stubbornly think we can beat the odds

I can embrace his Desi’s menage way of living so long as the in-laws don’t make me feel like an outcast

And he can accept my African ways in all its glory like how he willingly twists my divine kinky hair when the sun goes down

He claims Kenya is his ancestors’ cradle and so his blood runs deep like the ancient railways they constructed amidst man-eating-lions

Albeit they were added among the tribes of Kenya, he wouldn’t stand out to be counted by a society that sees colour and race

We settle in our haven where society’s opinions are silenced as we form our little rainbows with our oil-water-don’t-mix-cultures

It’s like we are flames from the same match stick for our love for the homeless is unmeasurable especially when we see smiles beaming from once destitute faces

Sun-ups and sundowns make us count the little things we do for each other as blessings

Did I mention he cut off his tufty dreads to share his beads with this nappy head?

And did I aforemention our trademark humour surpasses the rushed judgment of others and with him I’m not stuck in romantic games that have outlived their usefulness?

MY INTERNET SENSATION

…THAT GOT MY HEAD IN THE CLOUDS
I’m not one to utter terms of endearment but for him his name’s abbreviation easily fitted Sweet Pie
I wasn’t different from the countless horny Indian fellas parading in my DM for I would drool at his photos on his social media handles
I didn’t need to snort sweet nose candy to approach him and pour out my feelings for the internet was my hoodie that covered up my naughtiness and my false confidence
So every twit he twitted, I challenged intellectually with a hideous smile as I typed away
To say my heart skipped with zeal whenever he twitted back is understated
But my heart drooped when he stopped entertaining me and I found his relationship status wasn’t single-single
Beforehand….
I couldn’t give a darn if my parents would disapprove of his awkward brow and lip piercings
I’d convince them that that’s like being stunned by afros,studs and bell-bottoms back in the day
He was my brownie high because he effortlessly made me feel like Buddha
No religion would pose to be an hindrance for I’d act as an amulet against all odds
We were aligned like the blue skies and the ocean for we shared same hobbies and interests
I did my research on him like an FBI pro and certified he was as single as I
In my head I had romantic conversations with him and played the role of a satisfied faithful girlfriend
Heck!I dramatised how angry I would be if I were a secret and if there was a pre-chosen wife for him
Jumia Black Friday would gift me a camera for our adventures for we’re suckers for escapades
No need to worry about the prices for he’s the chosen few by Bonfire Adventures
Of course he would be my anchor for I’ve never boarded a plane before and I’ve heard of fearful first times
No need to worry about proving that my womb works as it’s the African norm
Heck!He already got me at adoption and his marvelous explanation of “why bare more when there are lots of babies rendered homeless and orphans?
For him I would wet my nappy hair when bungee jumping and trying to please him with floating in the sea and pools though the gods know I’d drown
I’d have to up my game and represent the African queens before Jasmine with the flawless hair snatches him away
He’d see my self love in the way I don’t fear wearing my hair natural and so I’d keep my Aladdin for myself
Who cared about a black hammer pounding recklessly when he knows how to work his nugget banana?
He says he isn’t looking to be attractive so he disguises with numerous piercings but if he only knew how that alone awakens the Delilah in me
His travel agency legacy is proof that white hair in young age is considered a silver lining
His heart of gold like his glowing brown skin lured me more to build castles in the air more magnificent than the Queen Elizabeth’s kingdom
He didn’t need to be told no-shave-November because his seems to be the ticking fact behind mandevu balm invention
In my wildest dreams I imagined pulling his bushy beard like a horse that’s meant to save my life from an impending tragedy
I wasn’t born with a stroke of luck but with him in the picture,I could visualize my dreams coming to fruition
I love them rugged and his tufty dreads locks me in delirium as if I’m on ecstasy
No more would I drool over relationship goals on the internet or evilly trip lovebirds when they pass me by
Predella specifically designed to quench our fondness for reading and constant growth
An aquarium to remind the world of our inclination for nature and our first argument ofwhere-did-life-begin?

AN UNDOUBTEDLY NOVA

WEARING THE REALMS OF BOLDNESS {Part 2}

You are such a droll to think burdening me with your hateful self like pellets of hail would weigh me down

Let me make it crystal clear to you that I ain’t a cat lover to be lured by your purrs in form of flowery words and praises like folk songs sang to unyielding African presidents

Clearly I don’t choke on my words maybe sneer at your pretentious expressions that are but wind to me

You can cowardly continue scorning me behind my back for my love for backpacks but don’t you know that life is a school?

Oops! Problem with being a nuthead is that obviously that line just whooshed you

Probably you are scratching your head over the meaning of a slay queen but hey clarity and fashion ain’t common to all

I would advice you to ask Judge Wakiaga but you’d be lost in his denotation of slaying plus I ain’t a man-eater but a goal digging woman of purpose

I swear I just saw wrinkles forming at the edges of your mouth because of your constant frowns at my contentment and glee

Woe unto you if you thought I’d quiet myself to let your snigger and commands be voluminous

You can stamp on me with your mismanaged authority but I don’t bend backwards to serve you diligently like a panting dog.

AN UNDOUBTEDLY NOVA

WEARING THE REALMS OF BOLDNESS {Part 1}

I don’t give a darn how much people’s compliments towards me torment you and cause you endless headaches

Go ahead and paint me as the worst person to ever exist with your hateful lies and your wishful thoughts of me having the worst cursed day ever

No need to question why you stare at me in wonder as if I’m a captivating actress from an alluring movie while gasping at my beauty

I don’t understand why you loathe me for my effortless glow yet I don’t steal your shine cause you got none

But Aw! Don’t take it so hard on yourself just because I laugh like I’ve got trumpeters meeting at my throat

God knows my laughter stir up ulcers in your intestines as if my joy deprives you of your peace

I know you expect me to have tears streaming down my cheeks and mucus running past my lips at the snare of your bitter words

Aw poor you, how long will you frown at my sexiness and wish you were my boss to shoo me from your presence?

No doubt my sassiness reminds you of your unaccomplished dreams and engulfed shyness caused by the fear of the what-maybes and what-will-people-say

{…to be continued}

MJA HANA HIARI

 

BURIANI BIBI

Hata mja afe akiwa mzee bado uchungu huwa kama miale ya moto

 

Wajua utamaduni wetu lazima waja wanywe zarambo hasa kukiwa na zani

Kwetu huzuni kukupoteza kwani ulikuwa kama zabarijadi kunga’a kama jua maishani

Ziara lako leo twaliweka zege lakini mioyoni daima waishi

Kifo chako kimetuwacha zimbalisha lakini hadithi zako tutasimuliana tukicheka na kufuta machozi

Tutakumbushana jinsi ulikuwa na bidii ya kufuata tumbiri na komba waliokuwa tumbi

Shambani kwako kule Gongoni Malindi ukiwafukuza kwa mawe na mayowe huku simbamarara wakikucheka kwa lako juhudi

Familia yajiuliza kama uzulufu ni la kizazi maana wewe na nduguye mliathirika nalo

Hashakum! Wewe ukibeba kinyesi kama mtoto naye nduguye akifikiri yupo bwenini

Uzulufu ukakuweka si mamati si mzima si mgonjwa hadi pumzi lako la mwisho

 

Hata mja afe akiwa mzee bado uchungu huwa kama miale ya moto.